before:

2005 June 25

"sometimes i question whether i turn my desires into realities too easily. too keen on experiencing or the enjoyment to consider the consequences or maybe even others. then there is the whole concept that i'm living a life that those in their late twenties are experiencing. there is always two sides to each question. two answers, i suppose. i see my sister and the boy she is seeing &it just sorta sinks in that i haven't really had that. sure, i've had plenty of other things - but never really the nights where you sit on the living room couch &watch a rented mystery &make a cake. i've always been too shy to do all the cutesy things. i applaud those that do, maybe envy them &its funny because i hear how people talk up my situations. i suppose we always wonder about what we don't have. i love &do enjoy where i'm at.. but every once &awhile i wonder if maybe i pushed for it all too fast. i didn't experience what those my age were. i outgrew even what i didn't know."