It's not that I do not know.

We were ridiculous for discussing love as if it were some object we are entitled to attain. Even worse was the groping, your hideous procedure of having gestures determine commitment. Were we both not completely made up in mind? Making ourselves believe we mattered more than it meant. Lying there, I wanted to laugh or altogether hide behind my skin, when you suggested my passivity was a result of the hour’s lacking energy. As if time were responsible for anything at all! You can only wish. I didn’t not fall down on you or tie my ankles around your neck because the way my body reacted when the clock’s hands were positioned wide open. If I had the will I would have done even more than you expected. More so to set you off, than turn you on. Sometimes I think of all I never say. I think how what you do not know affects us. How it makes you seem ignorant and manipulable. And then I see I am the partner in control. This makes me feel important, which isn’t what I think I need. I need you to tell me what you want: “Push me down or I’ll push you away.” Tell me you want me to want you back and then, I will give you my all. Tell me I am deceptive, delusional, addicted to algolagnia and maybe I will call, ever so genially, begging you be near. Tell me I have no heart and then, maybe, I will reconsider this act called love.

Oh hush, I was only practicing my part. But say it! Are you coming? 'Cause I could really use you now.