Jekyll & Hyde

I always try to look terrified and/or wacky:


Last night I couldn't sleep. It was way after 4:30am and I was still wide-eyed. This lamp I have kept chiming in sync to the fan that I finally have in my room and I had taken two Valerian Root vitamins before bed (supposedly promote relaxation for sleep, but instead give you endless amounts of restless energy). So I did all of two things, ate my grandmother's special chocolate and stared around my room trying to come to a more comfortable understanding of how someone can 1) be an expert at dominating a conversation (which I now figure has all along been nervous talking energy) and consequently, be a terrible listener 2) have never used the word "sorry" or "I apologize." Someone who is so good at lying, performing, putting on an act--who can act all roles, except one that calls for true emotion or honesty (conscious-striken). I can't dismiss feelings. I can't dismiss having to philosophize the actions and inactions of others (which is really an attempt to understand others, the situation, empathize and/or sympathize, and not regret). But I can and do make the effort to dismiss toxic people that try and disrupt a healthy flow in life. It's harder to remain healthy and positive. And it is much easier to fall off and not ask much out of yourself or others. No one else is worth that risk.