Overheard Gestures

Alarm! Do I not have you to wake me? Those three and a half hours of sleep couldn't have been that good. But they were, all because I was letting myself turn off. O! Now I am in trouble. With an authority that isn't even real. Odd, bewildering, amusing these confines, the rules I follow because I think, what?, I will be spanked with a ruler. And then? won't be able to sit on my ass as I've been doing many a day, my knee many a night. Kiddy's tail is looped around the curtains. Birds waking made it into my dream. And I kept sleeping to the to the to a tune. Wanting to go on. Knowing by now how good it tastes, those tasteless feelings, bedridden beneath blue. Never used to dream. Never kept them after the morning. But now! I meet everyone there. And they tell me many things, showing me all I can't face. A few hours ago, he showed up to tell me a thing or two about himself but really it was all about what I wasn't allowing.

"What you've said
you are,
everything you've told
me you'd like the man
for you to be,
I've done. I know
I have. You know
this."

Questioning or convincing? His startling awareness. And being all sleepy, I remember, this narrative. Remember that a year ago I was in a gallery and in it my show spoke to the notion that in dreams there are no words, that no one ever speaks, that we are infants, that we dream future memories and can't articulate them because they don't make sense to us without our experience of them, our subjectivity. I believed that. Only because I had never experienced the other. I made myself believe my only reality at the time. And these few months, all the talking. And being all sleepy, I remember him asking, telling me. He wasn't looking at me. Kind of a step ahead, to the side, gesturing as if to an audience. But I can't promise anyone was there to back him, supporting. He did not see me watching him as he spoke. He did not see, did not experience the way I took his words. He did not see my sobbed face, did not see me, a hysterical laughter. How well do the dreamed of hear?

In my dream, you did not find me. Always sitting, laying back. In my dream, I had to follow you. Together, accidentally finding ourselves. All these visions, if they are future memories or not, are the same: small and terrifying.