airport writing.

Lets be real. What I really was meaning to say was, one can never entirely prepare themselves for what can ensue after a shared hello—the meeting of eyes—nor can one ever prepare themselves enough for the last hello and the first goodbye. One thinks they can “pull it off successively” but I am closer to being convinced that preparation is nothing far off from a degree of avoidance of reality. Maybe nothing is locked tight, maybe a state of security is really just a state of mind. But I suppose we all need to feel the chance of “danger” and so we continue to be caught by surprise at Hello and surprise ourselves by our reaction after the Goodbye, but then there is all the action that lays between Hello and Goodbye—all the material, all the substance that one can’t and shouldn’t want to be prepared for. Goodness, we all want to be in control of our reactions, but as inside of us as reactions are they move outside of us to make their appearance. It is silly to say “one” or “we” when this is really about me assuming that mankind in general has the same plagues and fortunes. I thought maybe I was harder, but I will never know until after the fact. And after the fact, when my reactions have surprised me, do I see that I loose parts of myself after Hello and inside of the Goodbye—and between the start and finish I am just a silly little girl who likes time spent with men because for whatever reason, it helps me take myself a whole lot less seriously. But really, I’m always just prone to seeing as a result of feeling and feeling by memory of a collection of sights.