Don't Think to Think.

I require too much from people. It is not that I impose my requirements. They just escape me when I breathe. My mouth opens and they escape from where I was hiding and holding them away from any potential confrontation. When I speak I ask people to think. I am learning more and more of what it is I want out of my work-- I am being told to look at the ways in which I execute what I am producing, what are the motifs, what am I concerned with-- I have faced one barrier, the same barrier, in multiple mediums: first, the novel then, the film and now, the play. In blatant terms, I don't care about actions. I don't care about what people are doing. I am disinterested in the details from that life. I observe individuals and try and see what they are thinking. My dialogue for them are thoughts. The dialogue doesn't instigate or produce action. If anything, it explains the power thoughts have on making an individual incapable of action.

My playwrighting teacher barked at me, "Thoughts don't make anyone feel. The only way you can feel, the only way the audience together can feel, is through actions. Thoughts don't make the characters move. You have to learn to make your characters move, Chelsea." I am still not convinced. Feelings are the byproduct of thoughts. Actions are motivated from the feelings we have reflected over the thoughts that we recognize and take witness of consciously having. Thought controls everything.

And so, back to where I started. I inspire, make, FORCE people to think..which makes them feel..and as a result, act in ways that have left me stupefied at 3am and raising possible psychological scenarios to my sister who then shuts her door with, "You require too much from people. You ask them to do too much. And not everyone wants to see themselves."

No one will understand my play. No, not now.