Head That Aches

A terrible headache resides in my temples. Sits there, pulsating, since morning and now to night. It is as if, it never moved from my bed when I woke. It as if I have been here all along. I have a terrible headache that resides in my eyes. It sits here on my lids like a child who has grown too heavy for his mother's lap. She asks him to play on the ground and he does. He slides off, smothers the floor and twice every sixty seven seconds bounces up and down on the earth's trampoline. I've asked my headache to move, but it has become too attached. Instead, it stretches itself further across, transmuting my yesterday's eyes into bat wings. A terrible headache resides in my faceless face. Siting here, in my blind bat eyes, fingers beat to the pulsation's rhythmic headache.

If only I had thought about my headache all day, maybe I wouldn't have such a headache. Instead, I took notes on Moreau, Redon, Rossetti and Klimt (read The Red Lily by Anatole France between slides of Fauvism and Cubism), edited my ten pages of play that I'm writing to be turned in by midnight, rambled on and on to a class about Anais Nin's personas and elimination of experiences when proven to be unnecessary work material, began delving into the concept, philosophy and psychology behind morphing, bought The Anais Nin Reader, collection of Baudelaire, Rimbaud and Verlaine, The Decadent Reader and Iris Murdoch's The Sea, The Sea. I have "an addictive personality" (using that label loosely, I actually just have phases in life and during these phases I dedicate mind, energy, heart and time entirely, other than my self which I always try and be most aware of--yes I admit this--to that entity). Currently it is literature. Last night he looked at me and said, "Chelsea, you look actually worried that you are reading and buying books so much. Don't worry, this isn't a bad addiction." I have started feeling guilty though. Why? Well my professor said it today, "Even when you are creative you need to pause, release. You must make sure not to not be dynamic, always. Show the serenity of life, the concentration." He referred to symbolism as the request to study yourself and he advised that we should. It is all I do. And now literature, which once was an escape, is now just a furthering of my study through the philosophy of another's subscribed meaning. I am always working. I am always going.

This actually began as a digression away from beginning script coverage that if up to par will land me an assistant position for a producer.... who has a rather, inviting smile. It is pass 1 am, will be up by 7 and need to have this done before tomorrow's day looks me in. I have a terrible headache... that I am actually, just pretending to be concerned with.