listen to: neil halstead - paint a face.

is it that at times there are such things you want to say, but can not mindfully agree on the way to say them, and so you don't? the moment passes right beneath the inactivity of your tongue and yet, the thought remains (changing its perspective ever so slightly and with that there is also the chipping away of its intensity). you loose the time (or perhaps the time looses you?), the situation and perhaps the will to ever reveal what was kept enclosed. in terms of the immediacy of the physical presence, would it have made a difference had you shared and spoken? i think most people are fearful of exposing an active change - and so, if you had spoken, they still could have appear unaffected - but internally, who knows. behind the veil they could be experiencing an alteration of the nerves. why do we all make it so difficult to be awake to the moment? why are thoughts dream glasses altering the images that compose life? i wish the delicacy of impressions could be made known. i wish other's feelings were not protected and made forbidden. i wish we could easily say it as it is and not worry about the self being unveiled. i choose vulnerability (in other words, risking the chance of being affected) over ego. i am sure i may appear unconcerned, but if one would only ask - if only i wore my thoughts across my face - the scenario would be so different. perhaps dramatically? there has been a handful of times when i have walked unknowingly/unprepared into a room enclosed by mirrors -- it has usually been a bathroom, or even a rearview mirror and i have not known who it is i see. yet i am alone and that image is me. and she often appears tough. but appearance and reality is so far from the same being.

this vs. that