To exist one must have presence within the appearance of an image space. This space requires a realm of being, either physically or mentally determined, an interior or exterior landscape that the mind chooses in sight by way of fixation and elimination. For a certain being to exist one must be able to have bodily contact with the individual or have him arise in the mind from moment’s memory. The latter assumes a distance, not only through touch but temporality. Regardless of either realm the being exists within, the space intimately involves sight and thought because it requires the two have a sensuous relationship for a moment to be made.
My study began with the intrigue of identity. I wondered why one chose to be his certain self. Feeling psychology would explicate the enormity of the question proved to be only half the venture. Not only did academia introduce me to the intellectual perspective, but seclusion did as well. I recognized that who I was being and will become were motivated by my mind and how the mind’s eye translated the outside reality so the city of the interior could access and process that which was distanced from the body and nerves. Thought existed first, impacting me with a personal weight that could then be felt. Therefore, my study of identity made a turn for the better, developing under the guise of The Philosophy of Psychology—the study of thought’s affect on feeling.
Within the space of seclusion, I encountered not solely the solitary life, per se, but the private life. I became aware that within the presence of others, one was still able to fold within one’s self and be kept at a distance that was not entirely committed to the accepted reality of the event. In other words, an individual was capable of being in two places at one time while two separate and distinct lives were being lived within the same moment and same being. Therefore, not only were there separate realities, but there were split selves. One was capable of projecting his presence as a physical image while at the same time being able to project his mind within a private reality of imaginings. Most significantly, all of these locations of difference were real and most spectacularly unreal, like dreams themselves.
Identity, now, became a self-display that could be speculated upon. To be a certain self implies there is a choice of being. In fact, there are choices to being. Not only are eyes manipulating reality by deciding what is seen and unnoticed, but the “I” as well was capable of choosing absence or presence. Ultimately, the individual was responsible for carrying out characterology and by existing was performing an ideal role for the specific moment. This is not to say by selecting a certain self, one was being mindfully malicious—in fact, my study frames the art of the act by sequestering the genuine gesture. By exposing the interior, a landscape which is guarded, I hope to bring awareness to the character’s truth. For within the act of being, one does not think to detach thought and feeling or mind and action—one simply does. Therefore, presence is so instinctual, because it is human’s innate desire to be intimately involved within a being.
My role as seclusive author motivated my study further and since ultimately my theory of identity was being decided by the commitment of my own conscious, I could not avoid what was present within my existence. Compulsively wanting to translate the time I had been experiencing—moments when my body felt distanced from my mind, heart and eyes (the largest determinates of perception) and the exterior reality—I began to write with the intention to expose my interior, that which could not be seen but was deeply felt. I knew I needed to work with opposites, contradictions, paradoxes. I knew my calling was to tell truth in the form of a novel, as a way of deceiving the conventions of truth and generalities of reality. I believed within this structure there would be barriers that were unavoidably the result of the distance of selves, between eyes and I. Underlying everything was the challenge of using the personal to be intimate, to become as close as one could be to the other, to transform feelings into the knowledge of a genuine being. There were numerous layers to penetrate through, but I was consistently urged by the desire to have my feelings known and to give the interior a physical presence and tangible materiality. By giving the psyche a textuality, I was able provide unexpected sensations: touch to a substance that had been swallowed (the language of the nerves) and sight in an area that had been forbidden (the interior). I wanted to empower humanity—a sexless gender—to speak in the voice of one’s hidden reality, to concentrate not on the event of an invented story, but on the truth of the struggle, the repetitious patterns of the mind and significantly, I hoped to encourage readers to be confident with the raw, intimate lyric of life.
Post-structuralism, French feminist existentialism, écriture feminine, romanticism, phenomenology and metaphysics became the instruments that guided my fiction. Let me remind you, that the fiction was the product of the study of identity and character roles. Therefore, it was intended to exemplify the theory, as well as put into practice the study. In writing upon my experiential I, I became limited or perhaps, concentrated on my memory’s materials (one must have memory to exist). And for my character’s life to have meaning, the character needed to use language. Entrapped by the truth of events, I began to see more clearly that as a writer, an inventor, a creator, I was dedicated, if not entirely controlled by, language. Thoughts were immediately translated into language. Images became words. Words had meaning—a certain meaning, depending upon my mind. The inescapable tension of opposites created a philosophically inspired literature that I believe to be inexhaustible, since it changes and redevelops every time the mind opens to it. Because events would not differentiate my writing from others, I was taken quite naturally by deconstruction. By playing with language, I could design knowledge and I was able to invent a text intimately related to my interior psyche.
Embodied cognition and mind speaks in favor of the human body being the perceptual system that enables or disables one’s ability to move. Therefore, the body drives one’s choice of being and is exactly what I was writing upon, the discourse from within the other. Metafiction delved into the split subject—the writing I versus the experiential I, which is ultimately the self and the other. However, wanting to expose also the distance between selves within moments of the intimate, physical and private space, I went right to the human body, that is the sexual relationship between man and woman.
There is pressure upon each of these roles, a pressure to be the ideal role for the other. The experiential eye to live ideally for the writing I and the woman to be the ideal embodiment for the man (or vice versa). The projection of selves is always present, and within this logic the body is always the first thing to be seen. Evidently, subjects become the object in desire and ultimately, the memory becomes what had been written upon the body. But again within all intimacy was distance—the silence where nerves spoke inwardly—darkness where sight had to be translated by feelings.
By using the act of writing and the act of physicality as the scene from which my stories unfolded, I was able to define what it was the individual wanted—the desire for language: to be heard, to be seen through, to expose what was written in the mind when the moment remained silent. My rationale will focus on the discourse within the other—the other of one’s self (the idea being one projects, aspires to be, the dream being) and the other that one engages physically with. In both situations, the mind’s language is fragmented as a result of the separation of selves. And since, each realm of being is a metaphor of meaning, the focus of the fictitious texts that will be read are poetic, lending access to the fragment, the metaphysical and romantic unreality and the imagination which presents ideal ideations and acts as a barrier between truth and time—all of which transfigure a common reality that may otherwise be lived by all present beings. Since poetry intrinsically is the language of the body, that which moves in rhythm of the nerves, it exposes best the borderline between the realities of difference and purposefully obscures what is thought and spoken in a context of effusive intention.
My study began with the intrigue of identity. I wondered why one chose to be his certain self. Feeling psychology would explicate the enormity of the question proved to be only half the venture. Not only did academia introduce me to the intellectual perspective, but seclusion did as well. I recognized that who I was being and will become were motivated by my mind and how the mind’s eye translated the outside reality so the city of the interior could access and process that which was distanced from the body and nerves. Thought existed first, impacting me with a personal weight that could then be felt. Therefore, my study of identity made a turn for the better, developing under the guise of The Philosophy of Psychology—the study of thought’s affect on feeling.
Within the space of seclusion, I encountered not solely the solitary life, per se, but the private life. I became aware that within the presence of others, one was still able to fold within one’s self and be kept at a distance that was not entirely committed to the accepted reality of the event. In other words, an individual was capable of being in two places at one time while two separate and distinct lives were being lived within the same moment and same being. Therefore, not only were there separate realities, but there were split selves. One was capable of projecting his presence as a physical image while at the same time being able to project his mind within a private reality of imaginings. Most significantly, all of these locations of difference were real and most spectacularly unreal, like dreams themselves.
Identity, now, became a self-display that could be speculated upon. To be a certain self implies there is a choice of being. In fact, there are choices to being. Not only are eyes manipulating reality by deciding what is seen and unnoticed, but the “I” as well was capable of choosing absence or presence. Ultimately, the individual was responsible for carrying out characterology and by existing was performing an ideal role for the specific moment. This is not to say by selecting a certain self, one was being mindfully malicious—in fact, my study frames the art of the act by sequestering the genuine gesture. By exposing the interior, a landscape which is guarded, I hope to bring awareness to the character’s truth. For within the act of being, one does not think to detach thought and feeling or mind and action—one simply does. Therefore, presence is so instinctual, because it is human’s innate desire to be intimately involved within a being.
My role as seclusive author motivated my study further and since ultimately my theory of identity was being decided by the commitment of my own conscious, I could not avoid what was present within my existence. Compulsively wanting to translate the time I had been experiencing—moments when my body felt distanced from my mind, heart and eyes (the largest determinates of perception) and the exterior reality—I began to write with the intention to expose my interior, that which could not be seen but was deeply felt. I knew I needed to work with opposites, contradictions, paradoxes. I knew my calling was to tell truth in the form of a novel, as a way of deceiving the conventions of truth and generalities of reality. I believed within this structure there would be barriers that were unavoidably the result of the distance of selves, between eyes and I. Underlying everything was the challenge of using the personal to be intimate, to become as close as one could be to the other, to transform feelings into the knowledge of a genuine being. There were numerous layers to penetrate through, but I was consistently urged by the desire to have my feelings known and to give the interior a physical presence and tangible materiality. By giving the psyche a textuality, I was able provide unexpected sensations: touch to a substance that had been swallowed (the language of the nerves) and sight in an area that had been forbidden (the interior). I wanted to empower humanity—a sexless gender—to speak in the voice of one’s hidden reality, to concentrate not on the event of an invented story, but on the truth of the struggle, the repetitious patterns of the mind and significantly, I hoped to encourage readers to be confident with the raw, intimate lyric of life.
Post-structuralism, French feminist existentialism, écriture feminine, romanticism, phenomenology and metaphysics became the instruments that guided my fiction. Let me remind you, that the fiction was the product of the study of identity and character roles. Therefore, it was intended to exemplify the theory, as well as put into practice the study. In writing upon my experiential I, I became limited or perhaps, concentrated on my memory’s materials (one must have memory to exist). And for my character’s life to have meaning, the character needed to use language. Entrapped by the truth of events, I began to see more clearly that as a writer, an inventor, a creator, I was dedicated, if not entirely controlled by, language. Thoughts were immediately translated into language. Images became words. Words had meaning—a certain meaning, depending upon my mind. The inescapable tension of opposites created a philosophically inspired literature that I believe to be inexhaustible, since it changes and redevelops every time the mind opens to it. Because events would not differentiate my writing from others, I was taken quite naturally by deconstruction. By playing with language, I could design knowledge and I was able to invent a text intimately related to my interior psyche.
Embodied cognition and mind speaks in favor of the human body being the perceptual system that enables or disables one’s ability to move. Therefore, the body drives one’s choice of being and is exactly what I was writing upon, the discourse from within the other. Metafiction delved into the split subject—the writing I versus the experiential I, which is ultimately the self and the other. However, wanting to expose also the distance between selves within moments of the intimate, physical and private space, I went right to the human body, that is the sexual relationship between man and woman.
There is pressure upon each of these roles, a pressure to be the ideal role for the other. The experiential eye to live ideally for the writing I and the woman to be the ideal embodiment for the man (or vice versa). The projection of selves is always present, and within this logic the body is always the first thing to be seen. Evidently, subjects become the object in desire and ultimately, the memory becomes what had been written upon the body. But again within all intimacy was distance—the silence where nerves spoke inwardly—darkness where sight had to be translated by feelings.
By using the act of writing and the act of physicality as the scene from which my stories unfolded, I was able to define what it was the individual wanted—the desire for language: to be heard, to be seen through, to expose what was written in the mind when the moment remained silent. My rationale will focus on the discourse within the other—the other of one’s self (the idea being one projects, aspires to be, the dream being) and the other that one engages physically with. In both situations, the mind’s language is fragmented as a result of the separation of selves. And since, each realm of being is a metaphor of meaning, the focus of the fictitious texts that will be read are poetic, lending access to the fragment, the metaphysical and romantic unreality and the imagination which presents ideal ideations and acts as a barrier between truth and time—all of which transfigure a common reality that may otherwise be lived by all present beings. Since poetry intrinsically is the language of the body, that which moves in rhythm of the nerves, it exposes best the borderline between the realities of difference and purposefully obscures what is thought and spoken in a context of effusive intention.
The theories I wish to implement speak to one’s desire for language, how knowing one’s self through language is inexhaustible and argue that experiences cannot be determined without language. Therefore, for moments to have existed language must be present. Through this study, I became aware that more than my want to be within the other—to feel intimately known and captured by captivation—I needed language, I needed desire to move me.
Kristeva, Julia - Black Sun
Lacan, Jacques - L'ecrits (The Mirror Stage)
Jung, C.G. - Man & His Symbols
Laing, R.D. - The Politics of Experience
Barthes, Roland – The Pleasure of the Text, Writing Degree Zero, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments
Butler, Judith – Subjects of Desire: Hegelian Reflections in 20th Century France
Derrida, Jacques – Of Grammatology
Foucault, Michel – The Archaeology of Knowledge & The Discourse on Language
Levinas, Emmanuel – Time and the Other
Knutson, Susan – Narrative in the Feminine
Marion, Jean-Luc – The Erotic Phenomenon
Heller-Roazen, Daniel – The Inner Touch: Archaeology of a Sensation
St. Augustine – Confessions
Rilke – The Notebooks of Malta
Sartre, Jean-Paul – Nausea
Berger, John – And Our Faces, My Heart, Brief as Photos
Woolf, Virigina - The Waves
Lispector, Clarice – The Stream of Life
Cixous, Helene – The Book of Promethea
Quin, Ann – Passages
Sappho – Fragments
Heraclitus - Fragments
Irigaray, Luce - The Sex Which is Not One, Elemental Passions
de Beauvoir, Simone – She Came to Stay
Nin, Anais – Winter of Artifice
Villers de L’Isle-Adam – The Future Eve
Bloom, Harold – Romanticism and Consciousness
Fitz, Earl E. - The Difference of Desire: Sexuality and Being in the Poststructuralist Universe of Clarice Lispector
Rumi – The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and Longing
Ovid – The Art of Love
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