At 5:00

I told myself to finally fall asleep. My alarm would wake at nine. Three hours in, around eight, I found his hand and held it. I was barely self-conscious, but the feeling his hand was holding me back effectuated a resistance to becoming paralyzed in the final hours till I would have to have him go. This wouldn’t be a need nor a want. It was just something about the time. So I stayed open, as he stayed sleeping. I never hold anyone’s hand. I always thought the attachment would feel strange.